Seven Samurai 20XX

PS2 review by Anthony Karge, published on Sunday 6th March 2005

Akira Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai was an amazing action movie that managed to entertain despite a running length of over three hours. The videogame, Seven Samurai 20XX is a grossly incompetent brain-dead action game that has less depth than some NES games. Not only does it fail as an adaptation of a movie, but it fails as anything resembling fun.

For a game that touts being “based on a masterpiece” all over the box, surprisingly there isn’t much in common with the movie. The basic plotline of a village needing the help of some samurai to fight off a swarm of villains is still there, as are a couple scenes, but that’s about it. The crime here is the futuristic retelling of a classic manages to besmirch the good name of the source material with many ridiculous changes. A pair of rapping bosses dubbed “The Hip-Hop Boys” and a homosexual stereotype that sounds like Mr. Slave from South Park are just some of the problems with the narrative. There’s also been a bunch of extraneous subplots added involving some junk about a Chosen Child, a stealer of souls, and some sharply-dressed secret agents. In any other game this would just be silly, but in a game based on a Kurosawa film, this is sacrilege.

Even though the storyline bothers me greatly, the gameplay is even more offensive. Seven Samurai harkens back to the days of simple 8-bit games where you just randomly mash buttons while taking out swarms of enemies. Once they’re all dead, you move onto the next area. Rinse, rather, and repeat ad infinitum.

One of the most disappointing aspects of Seven Samurai 20XX is the lack of modes and options. Despite emphasizing teamwork in the storyline, you are always fighting by yourself as the same character. There’s no co-op, and there’s never any sort of objective or anything. Just hack and slash your way to victory.

Although the incredibly simplistic nature of the gameplay suggests that only the attack button is used, there actually are a couple other meager moves at your disposal. Hitting two trigger buttons puts you into a frenzied mode that makes your attacks faster and deadlier. Since this mode lasts around a minute, and it usually takes less than that to recharge, this mode is pretty much used the ENTIRE GAME. Why bother adding such a powerful move if it can be abused at every turn? Towards the end of the game you may find that you actually have to use the guard or duck button, but odds are that until then it will only be an afterthought during the boss battles.

All of the above are serious problems, but it’s absolutely nothing compared to the graphical issues that render the combat almost unplayable. Since there are large amounts of enemies on screen, the gameplay slows down to the point where it becomes an automatic bullet time. You can see the attacks coming in slow motion and then block accordingly. Making things even more confusing is that there are some actual bullet time effects like in The Matrix, but it’s hard to tell amidst the constant slowdown. Of course, even seeing the attack can be a challenge. There’s usually such a large amount of colorful flashes that makes recognizing anything coherent impossible. Making things even worse is the pop-up that likes to hide enemies who are sometimes only 10 feet in front of you.

The final nail in the coffin is the poor level design courtesy of lazy and/or underpaid developers. In one of the later (and worst) levels of the game, I finally found myself having to protect the village. I engaged in one lengthy and obnoxious battle in the town square, only to be granted with a cutscene. After the cutscene I was back in the town square to participate in one of the longest, most tedious fights I’ve ever experienced. I finally killed all the opposition and felt a great feeling accomplishment as the loading screen came up. When it was finished, I had to fight another battle! In the same place I just was! With my health as it was when the last battle ended! That’s three stretched-out fights in a row that took place in the same area. After I finished the level, the stats screen came up and told me I hit the attack button over 4000 times. How can my controller endure such pain? I know I barely could.

To be fair, the game does occasionally take break from the action, but even this manages to be tedious. Once in a while you’re able to wander around a town to talk to people, much like you would in an RPG. One of the ten levels has a lengthy sidequest if you talk to the right person, but aside from that one isolated incident there is absolutely nothing to gain from this. The sidequest wasn’t fun, but it made me wonder what Seven Samurai 20XX would have been like if it even a hint of depth to it.

Everything has a silver lining, but I really have to stretch to find some good things about Seven Samurai 20XX. One thing that caught my eye was the intriguing art direction. The locales, whether it be a futuristic Japan bursting with neon lights or a mysterious ancient city surrounded by waterfalls of sand, look surprisingly good when you don’t have to deal with large quantities of bad guys and the accompanying slowdown. Another portion that turned out well was the voice acting and music. It’s obvious that professional actors were used, and aside from a character or two everyone sounded believable, albeit slightly exaggerated. The decent techno music would probably get the blood pumping if the game wasn’t so awful, but you can’t blame it for trying.

Another wonderful thing about Seven Samurai 20XX is that it clocks in at a merciful five hours. Playing it so long was painful, but I couldn’t imagine if the length was double or triple what it currently is. If you’re a sadist, you can unlock a few things from beating the game, such as a survival mode and some other small goodies. Have fun with that.

Although Seven Samurai 20XX lessens my admiration for an excellent film, that isn’t the reason why I dislike this game. It’s just an awful game, pure and simple. The action is broken due to the graphical problems, and the lack of variations causes my brain to hurt. Instead of buying this garbage, give the original film a purchase. It’s nearly as long as the game, but instead of feeling anger and frustration you’ll actually be enjoying yourself. It’s an easy choice.