Playboy: The Mansion

PS2 review by Anthony Karge - Friday 11th February 2005

Playboy: The Mansion is not a sexy game. Sure, there are lots of enormously breasted girls in thongs who randomly take off their tops with no Sims-style censorship getting in the way. It’s just that the actual act of sex simply involves dry humping or something that seems straight out of a dirty cartoon, such as the scuba mask in the hot tub gag (use your imagination). It doesn’t help that there are some obnoxious collision detection problems that make things look a whole lot freakier than they should. At least you can have girls go at it, but apparently not a single male in the game could ever “play for the other team.” Girls pose seductively for you in the simplistic photography mode, and you can choose what they wear as if they were a Barbie doll. Just so you know, the tops can come off, but the bottoms can’t. If pixelated breasts aren’t your thing then you can unlock dozens of different centerfolds and covers which sometimes bare the goods.



Well that just about covers the important parts, but how’s the actual game? To say that Playboy: The Mansion was influenced by The Sims would be an understatement. Even the gibberish that the characters speak sounds almost the same. To be fair, Playboy: The Mansion takes a whole different approach than its competitor in some respects. Playing as a young Hugh Hefner (who looks strikingly similar to Bruce Campbell), you launch your magazine from its relatively humble beginnings until it becomes the legendary mag it is today. Of course, you’ll be throwing plenty of parties while maintaining casual, professional and romantic relationships with your guests.

My friend said that the only way to get any work done in the game is to have a party, and that’s true in both the linear mission-based mode and the freeform mode. It’s not like your journalists and photographers can do all the work, so in order to find the centerfold, interview and essay for each issue you have to schmooze with celebs and get them to like you enough to do the job. But, as any good host knows, you have to set up your house to suit the needs of the guest, except in this case the house is the famous Playboy Mansion. All the familiar mansion attractions are here, from the grotto in the pool to the game room. There are plenty of diversions that you can set up, such as a pinball and arcade machines, a mini-bar, and even a trampoline. It’d be awesome if some of the items were actually minigames, but I guess that’s asking too much from this type of game. Of course, as all Sims fans know, making your place look nice is a must for people to feel comfortable. Hugh himself can work out or read a book to improve his stats, which in turn improves his chances of scoring an interview, or just plain scoring.



Once you’re ready, the party can finally get started. This part of the game is what you’ll spend most of the game doing, but it’s also one of the least exciting parts. Oddly enough, you can choose to invite a few real “celebrities” as opposed to the many fictional ones. A-listers such as Tom Arnold, Carmen Electra and Jose Canseco make appearances, but what’s annoying is that random, mostly unknown musicians from the soundtrack are present. That’s some obnoxious synergy I could have done without.

While partying you have to look at the guests’ drives and interests so you can figure out how to cater to their needs. Why not try getting the guest a bit drunk before offering a propositioning a business contract? The problem with socializing is that you can’t do anything else while you’re chatting/flirting. It’s not like you can plan your day and have stuff automatically. Going into the menus pauses the game, so when you get back you still have to endure the same repetitive animation and dialogue. After seeing the same sequence dozens of times it starts to grow quite tiring.



Of course, you don’t want stupid people to write an essay for you, or an ugly lady posing on the cover. It’s too bad that nearly everyone looks the same. It’s not like the character models look that good to begin with, so I don’t understand why there isn’t more variation. It’s not uncommon to see three identical people at the same party. Another thing that cramps the style of the parties is how inappropriate each person looks compared to their job title. I’m not one to stereotype, but when was the last time you saw a “pro football coach” with enormous breasts and wearing revealing clothing? All of the politicians look surprisingly handsome and/or sexy considering their important job. The best one is the scientist who looks like the generic frat sluts I see all over campus.

Another problem are the prevalent bugs. Some of them are just unintentionally humorous, such as the chairs that moved themselves in and out automatically. I dubbed them the “haunted chairs.” But there’s also a bug that’s much more serious. The meter that says how much people like you tends to disappear at times and won’t return till the game is reset. Usually I just reset the game since this bar is quite crucial.

In addition to the bugs, another problem is the repetitive missions. You constantly have to throw parties and do the same socializing, but it all feels worth it when you put your magazine together. Honestly, putting together a great (and profitable) issue is the main reason I’m addicted to the game, despite the flaws. You get rated for each issue depending on the quality of the pictures, and also on how well you cater to the different demographics. The whole magazine publishing aspect of Playboy: The Mansion is probably the best-designed part of the game.



Another thing done surprisingly well is the music, which appropriately sets the mood for a party. There are over forty tracks ranging from such genres as smooth jazz, hip-hop, and pop-rock. Even if there are a few songs you don’t like, the sheer amount of songs means that there will be something you’ll probably enjoy. However, the voice acting fares poorly compared to the music. The Sim-speak is just uninspired, and the actual voice acting is rather lifeless.

So if you’re looking for The Sims with lots of nudity, then Playboy: The Mansion is your type of game. But then again if you’re looking for The Sims with nudity I sort of feel sorry for you. Seriously though, despite the bugs and flaws here and there, the idea behind making a magazine empire is quite compelling, and it’s actually pulled off well. Just be sure to proceed with caution.

Thunderbolt score: six out of ten

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