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Singles 2: Triple Trouble

Perhaps it was inevitable that I would end up disliking Singles 2: Triple Trouble! For it to even run on my computer I had to download a Windows addon that slowed my PC to a crawl and left runtime errors strewn across my broken registry when I attempted to uninstall it. Always a bad sign. But even before I began playing I was troubled by one question.

What is the point of Singles 2?

She’s thinking about… Water?

I only ask because the actual “Gameplay” (if it can be called that) is incredibly threadbare. Using a point and click interface that would have seemed dated about ten years ago, you get to choose furniture from a catalogue, cook meals, perform chores and wander to and from work through environments that look like they were programmed in someone’s lunch-hour going through staged conversations via the vile dullard you are forced to play as (Josh). Click the right combination of menu options and the vacuous bint you have been sucking up to in the hope of getting a sucking off from will oblige you with some tawdry pixellated doll sex. If you managed to click the right answers her sexy mate will join in too.

This is one that we could show you on this kid friendly site of ours.

Oh. My. God. Really. That’s It. Humanity is doomed isn’t? I cannot for the life of me figure out what this “game” is trying to do or who it is trying to appeal to. Professional PC Perverts like myself who chase sexual stimulation from professional porn will already have a hardrive full of hardcore “hentai” games which are about 10 million times more explicit and often involve giant one-eyed tentacle demons. So watching two or three virtual manikins bumping groins under the blur of the censor strip isn’t going to appeal much to the joystick jerkers and keyboard fondlers.

“Uh-huh… Yeah… You don’t say?”

I can only assume that it is a product of the kind of slack-jawed stupidity that reads Nuts Magazine and watches Big Brother and actual believes that the pinnacle of male ambition is to be a leering, shallow sexist moron and the pinnacle of female ambition is to be little better than a prostitute handing out sex in return for material reward. Naturally it seems reading about and watching vacuous idiots pawing at each other isn’t enough and so somehow this translated in a need to experience it vicariously through this shoddy little spunk stain of a game.

Say… Wait a minute!

This is NOT The Sims with added spice, it’s Myst with tacked on smut. Playing it made me really rather cross (O RLY? YA RLY). Sexual content in games is not something that is innately bad, but when it is done with this level of cynicsm and just plain boringness then it just makes me weep for the puke-brained mass of idiots we have obviously become to be thought deserving of such fare. Videogames can provide hours of intellectual stimulation. This kind of crap induces mental scurvy in a matter of minutes.

The music was quite good though.

(Actually, it wasn’t).

1 out of 10

The author of this fine article

is a Staff Writer at Thunderbolt, having joined in June 2003.

Gentle persuasion

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