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Mass Effect

Mass Effect


CITADEL – We have received word from our sources deep inside the Presidium that Commander John Shepard has been named the first human Spectre in history.

Shepard joins the elite ranks of the galaxy’s strongest and bravest during a dangerous time. Shepard’s promotion to Spectre is the result of one Spectre, the famous Saren, a Turian, reportedly going rogue.

Even though the promotion took place just a few hours before this report was filed, several high ranking officials were quick to question some of Shepard’s appointments.

“His crew is filled with questionable aliens,” one official stated. The source asked that their identity not be revealed. “Sure, he’s got a very balanced team that includes specialists in biotics and technology, but can we really trust our lives to a team of aliens?”

Members of his crew defended Shepard’s choice.

“Anyone who’s got a problem with the Commander’s choices can take it up with me,” Urdnot Wrex, a Krogan Battlemaster stated after being asked about the mixed-species crew. “If we can’t stop Saren, it won’t matter where we call home. None of us want to see our species extinct.”



CITADEL – Commander John Shepard, the first human member of the elite Spectre group, has issued a statement to the press saying that he is worried that the members of the Council are not taking the threat Saren poses seriously enough.

“It’s like I’m talking to a wall at times,” the Commander said in the statement. “When I present credible evidence of an impending attack, the Council writes me off. No matter how I try to reason with them, it seems like they’ll only believe the threat is real if Saren comes here and admits he wants to destroy the galaxy with the assistance of an ancient evil hidden in the dark corners of space. Come on, is it that hard to believe?!”

Council officials responded with a statement of their own.

“Let it be known that the Council takes the threat this situation poses very seriously,” a spokesman said. “Commander Shepard has been given one of the fastest ships in the galaxy and considerable leeway in determining his mission and his crew. He acts almost entirely independently of the Council. Nevertheless, when called upon to defend his actions, Shepard’s responses range from friendly to downright rude, making it extremely difficult to build consensus.

“It also doesn’t help that a majority of his “evidence” comes in the form of visions he claims he sees,” the spokesman added.



FEROS – Reports are coming in that Commander John Shepard, first human Spectre, has killed his 500th Geth on the Feros colony.

The Geth, a race of robots controlled by Saren, a former Spectre who Shepard believes is bent on exterminating every species in the galaxy, have been causing major problems on several colonies.

“Oh, they were just awful,” said one Asari who survived the onslaught. “They were killing defenseless people left and right. We didn’t know what to do. But then Shepard appeared. He seemed cool, calm and ready to kill. It looked very easy for him. We were lucky he came when he did.”

“You should have seen him. He looked like nothing I’ve ever seen,” said Dilus Hiimil, a chemist. “He had all this impressive armor, and his gun was so loud. It didn’t even look like he needed his teammates; he was killing the Geth so quickly.”

Some residents of the Citadel weren’t impressed.

“The Geth? The Geth?” asked one Krogan Battlemaster found at a local drinking establishment. “Please. The Geth are nothing more than a big pile of bolts. A Krogan infant could kill 500 Geth.”


(Image produced by Bart Robson.)


CITADEL – Several members of the Normandy, the ship of Spectre John Shepard, have chosen to remain at the Citadel, giving up their positions as members of one of the most elite crews in the galaxy.

“I’m just tired of it,” one female engineer said. “Yeah, Commander Shepard’s great and all, but I want more variety in my life. Every day, it’s the same thing. Head to some planet, kill some aliens in boring buildings and then get back on board to do the same thing later.”

Another former crewman echoed her statements:

“Look, I went to school to study exotic life. I didn’t realize when I took my position that I’d be stuck in bland concrete rooms all day,” the scientist said. “I long for wide-open spaces and not these gray, constricting walls. I’m headed back to Eden Prime.”



CITADEL – An alarming number of Citadel citizens are worried that Commander John Shepard, humanity’s first Spectre, may not be taking his post seriously.

It has been more several weeks since Shepard’s promotion to Spectre and there has been little progress towards his goal of stopping the traitorous Saren, a former Spectre.

“Every time I hear his name in the news, he’s been exploring other planets and discovering ancient ruins,” said one woman in the Wards. “I just want him to stop that madman. The ruins have been there for a thousand years. They can wait until the threat is over.”

Council officials were quick to defend Shepard.

“Commander Shepard’s primary mission is stopping Saren,” a spokesman for the Council stated. “We have faith that Shepard is focused on finding and eliminating the threat Saren poses.”

Despite official support, our reporters discovered that even some members of the Council were worried.

“What can I say? He’s been traversing the galaxy, finding rare minerals on uncharted planets,” one high-ranking member of the Council stated on a condition of anonymity. “Yeah, it’s great that he stopped an asteroid from destroying Terra Nova, but was it really worth giving Saren more time to potentially kill us all?”



CITADEL – In these difficult times, most citizens are wondering if extinction is inevitable.

“Commander Shepard seems very capable,” said one mother at a local grocery store. “But it’s difficult getting my children to go to bed when they’re wondering if we’ll wake up.”

The Council acted quickly to encourage support for Shepard and the mission.

“Saren is a powerful individual with unique training,” a spokesman said. “But Commander Shepard is truly of equal skill. Though it may take many hours, many days, many weeks to see the conclusion of this epic struggle, the Council believes that it has made the right choice in trusting this delicate mission to Commander Shepard. We ask that all individuals of every race come together and support Commander Shepard.”

The Council spokesman also announced that donations of essential goods, including food and clothing, were being accepted at the C-Sec Academy to benefit colonies ravaged by Saren’s attacks. Citizens are asked to please make sure that all clothing is clean and free of stains.

Though Citadel Action News rarely provides an editorial stance, we believe that all citizens across the galaxy should support Commander Shepard and his mission.

8 out of 10

The author of this fine article

is an Associate Editor at Thunderbolt, having joined in February 2003.

Gentle persuasion

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