Gaming’s Greatest Hammers

Feature by Fraser McMillan, published on Monday 15th June 2009

We can bang on about art until we’re blue in the face, but if there’s one thing that videogame players love it’s a bit of brute force. The biggest guns, the most vicious melee equipment and the craziest fictional weapons continue to hold a massive draw for anyone with even a passing interest in the medium. Hammers, therefore, given their primeval origins and capacity for incredible violence, should be the easiest of fits. A quick glance at the last twenty years of gaming, however, shows that this is curiously not the case – despite such a seemingly obvious appeal they’re grossly under represented. This has all changed with the release of Red Faction: Guerrilla, a title that is unashamedly exclusively about smashing things up with an enormous sledgehammer. It’s certainly not in isolation, though, and delving into the annals of history reveals that, when a hammer does make an appearance, it’s always in style.

Halo 3

Steady on, keep quiet. Don’t alert the other players, stay off the radar. Easy does it now. There he is. Sneak up, be aware of the dangers. Just. About. There… BOOM! A corpse shoots through the air and wallops against an inexplicably placed nearby tree before descending into the all-consuming nothingness below. One well timed whack and he’s gone forever – well, at least until he respawns.

“The most satisfying mechanics in games are those that appeal to our base urge for ridiculous levels of violence”Perhaps the most joyous element of Halo 3’s extensive online component is the knowledge that any number of approaches to each situation can be adopted. Whilst wielding the aptly named Gravity Hammer, it’s all too enticing to simply charge opponents like some ‘roid raging love-child of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Usain Bolt, but discerning players are smarter than that, becoming obsessive stalkers in the search for that lucrative, stealthy and often hilarious kill. Pounding adversaries repeatedly with this enormous, penis-extension weapon just never gets old, and proves that the most satisfying mechanics in games are those that appeal to our base urge for ridiculous levels of violence.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

Forget the Magic Hammer. Forget the Skull Hammer. The most satisfying and all-around awesome hammer from the entire Zelda series has to be the Megaton Hammer from Ocarina of Time. Why? Well, aside from its glistening shininess and sheer power – twice that of even the Master Sword – it typifies exactly what the game as a whole does so right. It’s a masterwork of careful design and pacing, and the drip feed of items and abilities throughout is steady but rewarding. Once Link has his mitts on the Megaton Hammer, he can return to the Fire Temple’s opening rooms and quite easily smash down the walls. Placing objectives so close yet out of reach makes the experience all the more compelling, and the determination it builds within the player is unparalleled; just like the heft and force of “The Gorons’ Special Crop”. Just look at the damned thing!

Gears of War series

OK, so it’s not strictly a hammer, but its all-consuming power mean it’s impossible to leave off the list. The Hammer of Dawn is one of the most flat out destructive guns in game history. The weapon itself does little other than pick a target, but it’s the satellites above that fire an unholy blast of concentrated fire-lightning to the chosen spot. Enemies caught in the way are instantly blown to pieces, and whole teams have been known to fall foul of the Hammer’s ferocious blast. The best way to avoid a speedy scattering of one’s limbs is to take shelter inside a building. For some reason, its raw energy can’t break through masonry, but we’ll leave it at artistic license for now.

Micro Machines series

Racing tiny toy cars around household tracks is surprisingly enjoyable in execution. It’s frantic, it’s fun, and above all, absolutely brilliant in multiplayer. Chaotic action hides the underlying skill required - something the more recent Mario Kart games could learn from – but there’s never the lack of the element of chance. Power-ups litter each and every track, but disappointingly few are at all worthwhile. Undoubtedly the best among the admittedly slim pickings, though, is the enormous (for miniature cars anyway) hammer that sits atop the vehicle that picked it up. It’s a staple of the series for good reason – it just never gets old. Flattening the AI and friends alike is tirelessly enjoyable, and the absurdity of the power-up itself is enough to provoke fits of laughter any time it appears. Although it’s not the easiest to get to grips with, once mastered, it can be one of gaming’s deadliest weapons. Unfortunately, the spiritual sequel Mashed didn’t include anything similar, and sessions, while still great fun, were never quite as chuckle-prone.

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City

Life in the seedy Miami underworld is difficult for a young man just starting out on a rollercoaster, rags to riches narrative. Having to contend with the always imminent threat of violence, myriad of double crossings and a Hawaiian shirt and jeans combo which must’ve been on the fringes of social acceptance even in 1986 is a tough gig.

While there are no melee weapons in the Grand Theft Auto series which you’d gladly demonstrate to your mother, the hammer is perhaps the most perfect manifestation of Tommy’s frustrations, each blow landing with a guttural impact which knocks an adversary to the ground unceremoniously. From there the victim’s predicament doesn’t improve much, with further button taps resulting in enthusiastic swings from Vercetti towards a downed NPC, the viscera cheerily splattering onto sand or concrete with every lunge. In a weapon slot which is always full of near misses – the golf club that’s pleasingly messy but doesn’t connect quite right, or the chainsaw which makes for well-placed movie homage but is a little pedestrian – the hammer is a rare triumph, feeling just right and being versatile and believable enough to fit comfortably into the game world.

The Vice City hammer is easily procured from an early stage, and is more than likely discarded hastily for an alternative which better suits the made man façade or has more obvious phallic imagery, but murdering old ladies for petty cash has never felt quite as rewarding as with this overlooked gem.

Hitman series

As anybody who has regaled peers with stories of choice virtual offings will attest to, when things go well in Hitman they go very, very well. Agent 47 in his whisky poisoning, throat slitting, body stashing element is truly a sight to behold and knowing that you’ve helped him on his way to the perfect hit is a feeling that’s hard to beat – a heady mix of euphoria at what has just been achieved, and relief at having avoided the myriad pratfalls which could have seen your oh-so-carefully constructed plan go tits up.

“47 looks hopelessly out of place when bluntly smashing brains against a brick wall”If you find yourself using the hammer, things have most certainly gone tits up. 47 looks hopelessly out of place when bluntly smashing brains against a brick wall, his city banker attire more in tune with the collected aggression of sniper rifle fire than hand to hand combat, however stacked in his favour the odds might be. When you find yourself in this position, however, it’s usually because the Hitman games have unveiled a buzz equal to that of an acutely measured kill – the pulsating tension of an involuntary step into the unknown, a damage limitation exercise which could at any moment end with you standing over the still-warm corpse of a hotel bellboy, trying to explain yourself to several highly suspicious police officers.

A hammer is often close at hand on these “oh s**t” occasions – in the belt of the construction worker who was too curious for his own good, or behind the scenes at a theatre when the tea lady sees you helping a bothersome actor exit stage left permanently – and the gratitude felt every time a scream is suppressed with cold metal makes it a highly valuable asset in any would-be assassin’s arsenal.

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

Tentative footsteps on cobbled streets. A back pressed firmly against the nearest wall. The light creaking of a bow, the swift flight of an arrow and another foe bleeding out on the streets of Cheydinhal. A hasty exit.

The existence of the Wood Elf, my chosen species for the mesmerising journey through The Elder Scrolls IV, doesn’t square well with the immediate brutality of the game’s numerous warhammers. None of these heavyweight weapons ever featured prominently in my inventory, generally being too heavy and too alien to my emphasis on stealth and ranged attacks to be considered a priority over a few extra arrows or a considerably more portable longsword.

“I’m not ashamed to admit that I’d usually pay the ransom of bandits when I spotted such a weapon on their back”For me, what hammers in Cyrodiil came to represent was sheer terror. Characters had power I couldn’t hope to match when in possession of one, and more often than not the occasions when I met my maker (or worse, a demoralising loading screen) were preceded by a few minutes of frantic running, followed by Daedra looking to strike me into the ground. Arena battles with hammer-wielding opponents were all too frequently the sites of my swift humiliation, and I’m not ashamed to admit that I’d usually pay the ransom of bandits when I spotted such a weapon on their back. Anything for the easy life.

So, in a game where power and influence are everything, a tip for those looking to avoid the advances of courageous Bosmer: make sure you’re packing a ton of blunt metal.

Super Mario series

If there’s any single series synonymous with hammers, it has to be Nintendo’s flagship franchise. It became clear that Mario was a man dedicated to his trade when his introduction as a gaming icon in Donkey Kong found him wielding the tool in his first effort to save the princess. The item was then extrapolated to later games like Super Mario Bros., in which the Hammer Bros. were introduced as menacing - and exasperatingly persistent - foes. They flung an unending supply of their namesake items at the titular plumber, leading to innumerable sudden, often frustrating deaths for players the world over.

Their influence shaped a lot of the key gameplay elements in subsequent entries. In Super Mario Bros. 3, Mario and Luigi were both able to swing hammers against blockades on the in-game map, which often concealed special areas littered with power-ups for the duo. The hammer suit, also from the third in the series, enabled the brothers to mimic the seemingly limitless firepower of the Hammer Bros. with an assault of their own. In the ever-popular Super Smash Bros. saga, hammers can play a vital role in how fights unfold with their incredible power and spontaneity.

In Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars, the player was given a hammer at the outset and forced to rely on it for a large chunk of the game, unlocking increasingly effective ones as they progressed. Similarly, in the Paper Mario and Mario and Luigi RPG games, they were an integral component of the experience, again possessing upgradeable capabilities in several instances.

If you don’t already believe this series is hammered enough, pick up the more recent Mario Smash Football (Super Mario Strikers Charged in North America) and Mario Superstar Baseball, in which the Hammer Bro. himself plays ball and in the latter actually uses his hammer as a bat. It’s worth noting that although the rumour mill’s still buzzing, there’s no word out on whether or not Mario can do the M.C. Hammer Slide.

Thanks to Paul Butterfield and Calvin Kemph for their essential contributions. Stop. Hammertime!