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A Jaded Gamer: Admitting an addiction

I’ve caught myself doing something recently. It’s a complete waste of time and yet I’ll sit there like some vast slug, sipping whisky, skipping through square bollocks of colour attempting to sell me something, as brain-death seeps in and with it the inability to blink. This bloody dashboard has me hooked-in like some bloated carp, unable to escape this grim reality.

When my addiction began I’m unsure; it’s difficult to pinpoint when something like this begins. What I do know is that it happens too often. The 360 is booted up, headset placed upon thy bounce and the controller switched on. Right, what game is in the disc tray – ah, Mortal Kombat. About time Jonny and I exchange a firm handshake and kick some Netherrealm arse. My thumb moves in to hit the A button. And then like something from a film, time slows down. Centimetres from booting up the game, my thumb suddenly stops as my other thumb takes over, flicking the analogue stick up and moving into the world of Xbox Live. I am weak.

What of any use could be here? Nothing but the usual IGN crap about achievement whores, videos of the latest franchise release and another Lynx advert. I mean, who the hell works up that much of a sweat while playing a game that they need Lynx? And if you think using Kinect is exercising, please smash that pad into your teeth; twice. Thank you. Done? Then let’s move on.

I’m doing my best to try and keep away from flicking endlessly through this dashboard but it isn’t easy. Auto-run is a feature within the system settings. Turning it on would solve my problems. Trouble is, I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. They say that admitting you’re addiction is halfway there. But for now, I wonder if any new demos or releases have been released in the past ten minutes…

The author of this fine article

is the Deputy Editor at Thunderbolt, having joined in December 2010. Get in touch on Twitter @shaneryantb.

Gentle persuasion

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